Potential is subjective, at best

For most of my life this word, "potential", has dogged me. I heard it first from my teachers when they'd peruse my stellar test scores against the juxtaposition of my failing grades. In hindsight, I guess it was a tad perplexing. To me it was quite simple; I was bored. Bored with the system and bored with the how it was all being presented. Standardized tests were easy to handle: memorize some information and spit it out when asked. It was homework that really caused some issues.

In elementary school my father had me tested for the gifted program. I was accepted and from 2nd through 8th grade, I was leaving my regular classes for "Resource Class" ("gifted" must have sounded pretentious). Sometimes this worked out nicely, especially if I was leaving my traditional math or science classes. Other times, not so much. I remember my 5th grade math teacher, Mrs. Schroeder, shrieking at me out in front of everyone, "You RESOURCE kids think you're SO special...SO much smarter than everyone else!!!" I was 10...what 10 year-old wants to be singled out and chastised in front of all their friends? {author's note: She was a hateful, angry woman who had been tormenting children for decades and, truthfully, when I heard of her death I smiled. And she looked like Roz from Monsters, Inc} That was a turning point for me, as far as school went. I stopped trying so hard and I made sure I wasn't going to be singled out again for being smart. My grades plummeted. My father took me to a child psychologist to figure out what was wrong. I just didn't care. I still loved taking National Aptitude Tests and scoring in the 99th percentile, but that did little to assuage my teachers' concern about my potential. I wish I had a dollar for every time a teacher wrote "She is exceptionally bright, if only she would apply herself" on my report card.


I coasted through middle school doing only what was required of me, but just barely. My teachers all had the same commentary..."Not living up to her potential." Yeah, yeah, same old song. A former classmate-turned-teacher was talking about his students to me and shared an interesting observation. He said he could match up the personalities of his students with those of us he had shared Resource classes with-

"There's a Ted, a Sharon, a Meg and there's even one of you in my class."
"I'm sorry to hear that, she must be such a trial", I quipped.
"No, she's very bright but, like you, she refuses to 'play the game' and it's amazing to watch her in action. I think she's really going to go far." he replied.
Um...thank you?


In high school, teachers would go over the syllabus for the year and invariably this would include a research paper. I always knew that I would be receiving a zero for my research paper. The whole process was mind-numbingly tedious. Pick a topic, turn it in for approval. Start an outline, turn it in for approval. Create a bibliography, turn it in for approval. I felt that if I could just write the damned paper without the constant checking in, all would be well. High school was where I really pushed my teachers over the edge. Now, I was truly failing classes. I was even asking them what I could do to just get a D and get out. Oh, and the standardized tests? Still in the 98-99th percentile. Well, except for that stupid ASVAB (Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery) one that said I'd make a good secretary. Idiots. Come graduation, I was half a credit shy. I panicked. I wanted nothing more, at that point, than to experience all that high school offered. I mean, I had lettered in and attended Nationals for Debate! I HAD to walk across that stage. My Guidance Counselor, after lamenting my lack of meeting my potential, said my only option was to pick up the missing credit by taking an Adult Ed Business Math class, every evening for 4 weeks. What a waste of time and energy. I finished the workbook in the first two nights and then spent the remainder using the typewriters in the classroom to regale my friend, Stacey, with my trials and tribulations. I probably wasn't meeting my potential there either, I suppose.


Fast forward 25 years and here I am, a single mom with approximately 4 different jobs (9 if you count all the numerous departments I fill in for at a local hotel). That all sounds daunting to most people but none of those jobs, combined, require more than 40 hours a week from me. My jobs afford me availability to my children...I only have a few more years before they've all moved away and I choose them over anything else. I enjoy the change of pace and scenery of my employment venues. I also get to meet so many new people and my opportunities for networking have increased exponentially. I have a satisfying outlet for my creativity through my photography and I even get to use those admired clerical skills on occasion. But there's so much more that I want to do. Blogging is a recent addition to my repertoire and I've been hoping to open a much-needed local business (Investors take note...).

Am I meeting my potential now? Society says I'm not. Why? Well, because I'm not working 60-80 hours a week, striving to climb some corporate ladder to an invisible glass ceiling, coming home to stressed-out loved ones and juggling all that's required for a happy existence....or something. Essentially it goes back to what my old classmate said- I refuse to play the game. I refuse to do it the way everyone expects it to be done. I refuse to "Stop being so into EVERYTHING...pick ONE thing and do that" (said by more than a few people). I refuse to stop being creative and wanting to experience as much as I can while I'm here. I refuse to let society tell me what constitutes "successful". That definition almost always includes a person who is overworked, rarely sees their loved ones and has stress-induced health issues. No thank you. MY definition of success is - my bills are paid, my children and I are healthy, happy and stress free. I need little and I have enough. There are many people around me who revel in my successes, both small and great. So, as far as "potential" goes? Which one? My potential for being a hard-working mom? Loyal friend? Loving daughter? Dedicated volunteer? Creative and talented photographer?

My potential is just fine and always has been. Thanks for asking.

Click here for the inspiration for this post

My child dislikes how I dress....

My 14-going-on-40-year-old mentioned for the second time in a year that I dress like a teenager. It doesn't take a Body Language professional to realize that this is NOT a compliment. What the heck???? I am SOOOooo sorry that a t-shirt, jeans and sneakers is the "costume" of choice for about, oh, 1/2 the planet!! Granted, not ALL of my jeans are "mom jeans" but come on! My shirts tend to be long-sleeved T's, big sweaters, and blouses that lean toward hippie-ish (blousy and comfortable). I don't wear anything with logos, advertisements or cutesy sayings. You also won't find one tubetop in my collection and there's nothing written across my back end and I do not show my belly. I'm no longer as big as I used to be (yes, I was overweight for a while) and can't see the point in wearing the same size as before. So, yes, my clothes fit and I'm okay with how I look for an almost 40 yr old.
So, what are my choices? Khakis and camp shirts? (wait, I DO wear that) Skirts, silk blouses, pumps and pearls? Or MY personal fave...the Mom outfit that just makes me cringe....sweats and slippers? Maybe if I dressed more like that she'd be ok with my jeans, blouses and sneakers. I'm gonna try it....next time she needs me to take her to school I'm wearing holey sweats, stretched out Pooh bear shirt and Spongebob slippers.....
stay tuned......

Is there something someone wants to tell me????

In the past two days I have received 4 pieces of mail that are downright disturbing. One was from Gerber Life offering me life insurance for my unborn baby (!!!!!). The second was an American Baby packet offering coupons "especially for mothers"....the third was a $4.00 coupon from Enfamil. And then today I got a letter from my insurance carrier letting me know about important insurance information in our plan regarding mothers and newborns. What the heck, people?!?!?!??!? I already have 3 children which on a good day is 3 too many. I am not pregnant, I do not plan on becoming pregnant and am FLUMMOXED as to how I got on someone's list of "Little Ladies in a Family Way". I mean, c'mon, I threaten my children with the Bill Cosby quote, "I brought you into this world and I can take you right back out" on a weekly basis. Except I add my own little twist..."I can make another one just as cute or cuter than you....don't want to...but I CAN...and don't make me prove it!!" I'm the type of mom who looks forward to my children's scores of analyst's bills that are SURE to come my way (oh please, I've worked SO hard) so I can frame them. I will then invite total strangers in to say, "See that??? I did that!!!"
SO, where are these companies getting this erroneous information?!?!? Somebody better 'fess up.
I'm thinking it's time to have a chat with my doctor....

Where is she going to college? Well.........

I'm finding that the logical progression of conversations between parents of 17-18 year old children is:

1.) How does she like high school?

2.) Does she know what she wants to major in?

3.) Where is she going to college?

Those of you close to us know that our oldest daughter BEGGED to be home-schooled at the start of her junior year of high school.  This was NOT my choice, trust me.  I have to admit there was part of me that thought, "You're at (what's considered) the best public high school in the state and you want to be home-schooled?!?!"  Our eldest is not what anyone would consider a "typical" teenager.  She eschews fads and trends.  She's wanted to be a scientist since she was 8.  And she's always been "old".  I say this with pride, mind you.  She's just one of those old souls that has been around a long time and I'm a bit jealous.  She's self-motivated and, in our experience, "traditional" schooling does not meet the needs of children like her. This character trait of hers has led her to learn Finnish, how to play the accordion, banjo, and ukulele, the art of kirigami and origami, knitting, and apiculture (beekeeping).  She is currently the beekeeper for a local food bank that has its own farm and fish facility.  She is also heavily involved in another local organic farm that grows its own fish as well. She is well-versed in hydroponics, aquaculture and soil science. Most people, upon meeting her, assume she's in her 3rd year of college already.

So when the inevitable question regarding college comes up, I get tired.  Tired because I'm so done with EVERYONE assuming that the next "logical" step for ALL high school seniors is college.  I won't bother to regale you with the impressive list of HUGELY successful people who did NOT finish college (Google it). Instead, I'd like to ask why I would insist that the same child, who was miserable while in a traditional school, be 'thrown under the bus' and return to that same setting?  I'd also ask why when a 40-80 year person laments that they didn't finish college, everyone says, "It's never too late!". But if a 17 year old wants to go a different route all I get are looks of panic that perhaps I'm a lame parent and the person is making mental notes to keep THEIR high school age children far away from me lest I corrupt their minds.  I also get the 'pity' looks, like "Oh, her child's too lazy/dumb/poor to get into any college."  None of these could be farther from the truth. She is prompt, fastidious, courteous and eager to learn. I have a child that is already proving herself as a worthy colleague amongst others in her chosen fields of study. While other girls are worrying about what to wear to prom or which boy in Art Class is cuter, mine is acquiring a 'hands on' education on a daily basis...for free. How many other 17 year-old children can have that said about them? 

The next time you get the urge to ask someone about their child's life choices...be prepared for their answers to not mesh with yours.  And you know what?  It's ok.

Please know that I'm sorry I didn't try harder...

In 2007, a friend came to me and asked if I would help her with a bullying problem that her daughter was having. I readily agreed because problem-solving is what I love to do. Little did I know that taking on this problem would open my eyes to so many other children having similar problems. And little did I know that I would lose friends and be considered a "troublemaker" or "whistle blower" by standing up for the victims. I did my research, collected statements and letters, contacted the right bureaucrats, held the appropriate meetings, and recorded all the information. Then we waited....and waited and nothing happened. We were told there was nothing we could do..."It's out of your hands"..."You have to let the officials do what they do"...."There's really not enough to go on"...."We're sorry"...and (my personal fave) "It's inappropriate for you to share this information".

Now, six years later, the problem has come up again and this time it's worse. This time it's more than bullying and I am sick. Sick because I didn't continue to pursue it even when I was told that it would handle itself. Sick that I didn't have time to make sure that we were heard. And sick that we were lied to and treated like children. I only fought for a little while and then I gave up because no one was around to help fight anymore. No more parents came forward with stories about their children being bullied. I did what I could to discourage people from being near the bully but I couldn't be the "squeaky wheel" anymore if someone oiled the mechanism. Over time, I assumed that things had changed and that someone had gotten help for the bully...I was wrong. The worst part was having to look my daughter in the eye and say, "I don't know why that person is still around here...maybe the people don't care."

The bully learned that the system was broken and became more brazen. The system that was supposed to be there for the children only managed to help the bully. The system that we were promised would handle it has failed. And I am so very sorry that I didn't try harder.